March 1st marked two years since we began our adoption process. I remember the day we applied to become part of the Haiti program at America World Adoption…that feels like it was so long ago. We were so giddy. I sometimes want to shake the version of myself two years ago and say, “don’t do it”…just have another baby you fool. But the one thing that I have NEVER wavered on over the past two years is that this is God’s plan for our family. No matter how long the wait or what the outcome…this is the journey He has in mind for us.
We have experienced some big highs and terrible lows on our journey thus far. I think our first year was filled with hope and anticipation. Sure, we were very busy taking care of the business of adoption paperwork. But all of our expectations were being met; we were so hopeful what 2014 was going to bring…we were going to Haiti to meet our new child in 2014. That was the timeline. End of story.
2014 was not exactly the banner year we expected. In fact, it was this time last year that we were suffering big time (cattywumpus). We lost our stepfather, we did not know where we were going to live, car accident ….We were seriously held together last winter/spring only by God’s grace, and some dear family and friends.
The summer of 2014 was our expected timeline to receive a referral and travel to Haiti. By this point, our dossier had already been in Haiti for 6-7 months and my anxiety was growing.
Summer came and went and I began to feel hopeless, angry, and bitter in the fall. I did not understand why He was not moving things along. If this was His plan for us, then He should make it easy….right?
The holidays came with a lot of sadness. I remember sitting on our couch Christmas morning thinking of our unknown child…just longing for him/her.
In His perfect timing, God used this winter…a typical season of cold and darkness….to really bring light and peace to my heart. He’s provided us encouragement through friendships, peace of mind in the wait, and closeness to Him that Patrick and I never experienced before.
Now that spring is here, we will continue to wait (because really, what choice do we have!!?). And pray for continued peace in the wait.