In my mind and heart, I expected to go to Haiti to meet our child this summer. We submitted our dossier to IBESR in December. We learned that our pre-match was approved in January. Our adoption coordinator gave us a loose timeline (with tons of warnings that timelines really mean nothing in Haiti) that we would receive our referral 6-8 months from the time our dossier entered IBESR.
We are almost to the eight-month-mark, and I am growing incredibly restless. I am normally a pretty even-keeled person. All of my reason, sound judgment, and steadiness have pretty much gone out the window the last few weeks. I am exhausted-melodrama is hard work.
Let me walk you through an average day:
• Wake up feeling hopeful – perhaps this is the day we will get the phone call.
• I immediately check my email in case our adoption coordinator happened to contact us overnight.
• On my drive to work, my thoughts turn to anger-why in the world are the people at IBESR so ineffective? There has been no progress in our adoption over the past seven months. That means our child, in his or her most critical developmental stages, has been stuck in an orphanage. And we know that kids who spend more time in institutional care are more likely to have poor health, developmental delays and emotional attachment disorders.
• I begin to feel guilty for not remaining positive and fully trusting in God’s timing, so I try to think about something else.
• I get a phone call from a number I do not know and my heart drops…could this be it? Nope. It’s Sears calling to schedule our appliance delivery.
• During lunch, I check out a popular blog on Haitian adoptions, hoping to find news. No news…I begin to feel skeptical that Haiti is going to be able to pull itself together to operate within the Hague Convention. I begin to wonder, why isn’t somebody stepping in? Who would that be? What can I do?
• Later that evening, a friend asks about our adoption. I either respond with a rant about how pissed I am about the lack of movement. Or I quickly dismiss the question with a “still waiting” response, because I really cannot muster up the emotional energy to get into the details.
• Go to bed with feeling optimistic about the next day or dejected about one more day passing by without any news from Haiti.